Monday, November 16, 2015

Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

so i finished my novel about a woman having a nervous breakdown and had a nervous breakdown.

more later on that.

for now,
it's simplified.
it is:
no this, no that: caffeine, sugar, self sabotage and self harm in the form of pleasure that is really, yes you guessed it, self sabotage and self harm. 
my children
less Facebook 
working a little
writing even less
eating good clean foods
taking my vitamins

recognizing the child in me that confuses discipline with obedience

and my husband, love of my life, best friend, who has taken care of me in the most intimate ways possibly both physically and emotionally.

and my children. my children. my children.

i continue to be as kind as possible to every person i come in contact with.
i put my heart into my eyes when i look at a person, so they feel love.
i smile.
i listen when i do and do not want to because people need to be heard.
and i pray.

Ian is 19. Dakota is 21. I've been blogging since 2008.

Lola is 13.

Ever is 4. She will be 5 December 2nd.

"Hello, hello, is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear there anyone at home?"

Monday, October 12, 2015

Five Kittens

Friday, September 4, 2015

People In Your Neighborhood


Let's be clear: people in your neighborhood = everyone who shares this planet with us. animal and human.

Austrians and Germans Turn Out To Welcome Refugees

In ScienceDaily, Infant Antibiotic Use Linked To Adult Disease

She's so crayyyyzyyyy: Miley Cyrus ( Dooooo It makes me happy )

I can't wait to read this novel: The Crossing by Andrew Miller

Elissa Schappel interviews Elena Ferrante for Vanity Fair

The More I Know About Breastmilk, The More Amazed I Am by Angela Garbes

You can add your name to the map on The Campaign For The Fair Sentencing of Youth- I did.

Julie Chiefetzz tells her story of working for Amazon, having a baby and getting cancer.

In WSJ, Why Turkey Should Be Called 'Catstantiniople'

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

does that sound like poetic justice

so say peace of mind, early in the morning, when the birds are out and the sky is blue 

so say, 

peace of mind,

early in the morning

where is the dying bird? when the birds all sing
where is the death bird? when the birds all sing

against a yellow sun flower petal
yellow yellow
too bright to see too bright to look away
sink your thumb

against a flower's pollen tufted center, what is the hard sting
that penetrates and hangs, pinned
lazy as fuck

peace of mind, early in the morning, when the birds are out and the sky

and the birds and the sky


late at night, lurk.

hard darkness dark diamond flint eyed, the blue spark you see behind the door

if i told you a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it
-Kendrick Lamar

Friday, August 28, 2015

Dakota's Band LAW: EP Drops on ITunes Today!!!!

Dakota's band LAW dropped their EP on ITunes today: Mild Lawtism

or you can buy the hard copy at Long Beach Records

I cannot express how proud I am of my son or how happy I am for him. To have a dream since you were two 15 year old kids sitting around, and make it come true at 21 years old, is huge. My first baby, my son! 

And the music?: IT'S SO GOOD

Monday, August 24, 2015

Chop Chop, Haircut

i just cut my hair. ten minutes ago in my bathroom. chop chop.

i'm filled with a restlessness this August. frustrated with my body, which is struggling all month to find balance and energy. constant fatigue, swelling, aches, brain fog. i can feel my hormones struggling. i help with exercise and nutrition but my sleep patterns got tangled in the sheets over the summer... 

i want to go to see the Mayan ruins.

i want to travel. i want to see more.

i like to feel peaceful, but i've long learned to accept the moods that sweep over me. i can't should myself into a state of being. diving into the mood, exploring it like an underwater wreck, bringing up what holds its form in the sunlight and air, this is it. the way through, is through.

chop chop.

Friday, August 14, 2015

People In Your Neighborhood

Gina Frangellino writes to the bone in this captivating essay in Dame: Did My Best Friend Really Know Me?

Dakota's band LAW has merchandise

On making 'black twitter' matter after Ferguson. I have followed DeRay since Ferguson and find him amazing.

Navajo Nation mourning after toxic spill- we should all be mourning, and talking about this.

So much wisdom. I want be like her when I grow up. Dominique Browning in NYT.

You had me at mysterious, ancient pyramid.

Please watch this video: Congressman Bill Posey, on recent vaccine information, as he speaks to Congress.

Allison Stiene in Narratively, speaking out for the dead in Ohio hills.

Wil Wheaton speaks on living with mental illness.

The True Glamour of Clarice Lispector in The New Yorker

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Feeling Myself

a good girl in my tax bracket

we went swimming because it's August hot hot, Mr. Curry grabbed me by the crotch and lifted me up up out of blue, but stopped because erections are not friendly at the public pool unless you want to meet the police.

i love this song.
i love being fiercely alive.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

A Rawther Mundane Conversation


i'm almost done my novel.

i'm going to have a first draft by end of August.

maybe sooner.

mr. curry is taking the kids and leaving me alone for an entire day in this house with this computer with Agitate My Heart and i'm taking the bright-red beating heart and shaping it closed

heart-shaped closed

i'm going to drink some and when i type the final sentence i'm going to probably cry and then wail and then scream and dance and call mr. curry crying wailing and screaming and dancing and he's going to have that sound his voice gets when he's really proud and excited and he's going to say sweetheart the way he does and i'm going to ask him to leave the kids at my mom's and come home and throw me on the bed and celebrate naked and half-drunk.


i am somewhat tired of blogging because there aren't enough comments. i really miss the comments. i only comment myself maybe five times a week on blogs, but that's five times more than most people in this comment-less climate of blog, where everyone is too busy commenting on opinion pieces like if suburban wives have too much or too little sex, or if oysters should be slurped and is it really appropriate for boys to have testicles after all or should the x go next to the o or really we  need to consider the lobster-

so i have more views now, so many and years ago i thought that's what i wanted, on a chirpy bloggy day when i post at the 'right time' i can get 1000 page views, but three comments

i'd rather have half the page views and ten or twenty comments

however i'm an irregular blogger and it's the consistent ones who get good comment,
yeah, i know that.


dakota's band LAW is becoming a big deal and i'm SO PROUD OF MY SON that it makes my entire heart feel two sizes too large. their second song just came out on Bandcamp and it's called Getting By and they have some insane amount of plays already and Sublime FB shared their song ( Jake the lead singer is Sublime's former, now deceased, son ) and that send it into the stratosphere. they worked so hard on these tracks. dakota and jake have been playing together since dakota was 16! 

here's the song and you can find it on You-Tube also


i am working as a copywriter, content producer AND virtual assistant right now. 

i want a job as a content provider or staff writer at at least 32 hours a week, a job i kick ass at.


i watched these documentaries last night that i loved. one was on Philip Roth ( one of my top five fav. novelists ) and one on Alice Walker. Here they are.


our cat Maybelle is pregnant. we found this out mid surgical attempt to spay her. the vet called and said UM YOUR CAT IS PREGNANT STUPID


our dog has worms of undetermined kind. i am taking a poop sample to the vet tomorrow. meanwhile bathed both animals today and washed all sheets and bedding and the couch covers and vacuumed and cleaned and grocery shopped


so it goes